Bad inner voices have bothered me for years. They attack my self-worth and self-confidence.
Sometimes these voices are loud and don't let me get on with what I am doing, but disappear in a few hours. Other times they whisper in a low rumble, non-stop, almost incapacitating me. And they don’t let me pursue a project or something I want to do for months and years.
I’ve tried hard to force these voices out of my head. I’ve had some success. But some are so stubborn that they just persist no matter what, even if in the distant background.
A recurring one is the ‘age voice’. It is the most persistent and the most annoying one. When someone inspires me—whether famous or an acquaintance—or makes me curious in the very slightest, the first thing I try and do is to find out their date of birth. Or at least the year they were born. Gosh!
“Hmm what was their age when they did xyz?”
As if that was not bad enough, it is usually followed by: “Oh they were so young! You’re too old now!”
I confess, I am obsessed with age—my own and that of others.
I refuse to blame this on anything external like social media or say “these are the times we live in”, although that is very tempting to do. Maybe that has exacerbated the symptoms but the problem has always existed. I have had the ‘age voice’ sit in my head and chatter for a decade at least.
Why is it so difficult to remember that you live life only in the moment? In the here and now? And that looking back in regret is absolutely futile?
If only someone made an app for that. (I would be looking up their age too, I’m sure).