I’m in the process of setting up my work profile online; essentially, a page on my site which is a running list of projects I’ve worked on. I’m nervous. I’ve never fully made this public, in part because I haven’t gotten around to doing it and in part because I haven’t necessarily been proud of it. All I can see is how raw, unfinished, amateurish and few in number they seem. I’ve been afraid of being judged. Even though writing this blog-slash-newsletter for over a year has taught me to care little for what others think of me—and in fact, how little others are thinking of me—I still feel uneasy.
Where does this fear stem from? Upon first consideration the reasons may appear vague and obscure, grim even, 'society is to blame'. But the mystery disappears as soon as you start being honest with yourself. ‘Maybe I fear being judged because I have judged others in the past’, your mind faintly whispers. You can’t have partaken in judging others and suddenly be all ‘proud of myself no matter what #selflove #selfappreciation’ when it comes to yourself. It just doesn’t work that way. (I make myself sound far worse than I actually am.)
How we imagine the person we most dislike—with their fangs and horns and repulsive personality—is how we may very well, one day, treat the person we like the best today. When dealing with negative feelings, we are tempted to villainise an entity, a situation, anything external; but that relief is temporary and often exacerbates the problem. We have to undergo the painful process of sitting with the problem, observing it and letting it wash all over us before finally being presented the opportunity to take the next step. There is simply no other way. Everything external seems merely incidental; the fire that needs to be dealt with, is raging within.
I have completely digressed.
So, to be proud of your work, you need to do two things: don’t sh!t on others and don’t give a sh!t about others (apart from only doing work that is fantastic and meaningful and pays you very well to lead a happy and fulfilling life, of course).
Find my work here: sumeruraut.com/work