Peeling the onion

What is the urge for validation?

Why am I in perpetual doubt of my decisions, desires and dreams? How does one learn to accept everything one feels? I know I said I am happy, but am I really? And do I want to just be happy? Or contented? Is that what I am supposed to chase?

What do I want?

Do I merely enjoy going against the tide? Just as those who enjoy going with it. How is that different? Why should I be different? Trying hard to be a contrarian—an unoriginal one. Will I ever be original? Whose thoughts are these?

Opening myself to the public and just sitting there looking at myself, from the outside in, through others eyes. I’ve never had the courage to truly, truly embrace myself.

And why, exactly, do people need to know that?

The churning; a turmoil. I can’t be the first person to be feeling this. It is no big deal. But then nothing is. People get over all kinds of things, death even. Who am I to judge my thoughts? Especially when I claim they aren’t my own.

The world owes me nothing and I don’t owe it, it feeling better about itself.