The story we tell ourselves

The story we tell ourselves

I’ve been feeling good for the past three days, which seems unusual.

'Unusual' because there is nothing in particular that has 'happened'. But a general feeling of peace and calm seems to have come over.

I have been doing things that I had planned to; getting chores off of my to-do list, making short-term plans. Spending time with myself. Reading. And generally having a laugh.

Most importantly, I’m not beating myself up—a habit that I always fall back to; to feel in control, to feel OK or ‘normal’.

Even though I consider myself to be fairly happy, I don’t always feel contented. I often grapple with feelings of inadequacy. I’m ambitious as a person and have to force myself to be grateful for everything I have.

But every once in a while there is a period—like I am having now—where nothing seems to matter. I care about nothing. I care about no one. I don't care about anybody’s opinion, especially not my inner critic’s. And I feel like I’m ‘crushing it’, although nothing seems to have changed on the outside. I feel all the good things that 'nothing-ness' can bring.

When I catch myself in this situations, I often have a brief moment with me—“Dude, you’re feeling really good. Whats up?”

I become intentional and observe myself in my spirit—'what am I feeling right now?' So I can remind myself of this moment when caution and self-doubt strike again, and I know they will. (Not that they are always bad.)

The truth is no one can give us a pep-talk like we can to ourselves. The mind's chatter is constant and almost feels involuntary.

Every time the speaker and the listener within us are in agreement, I think we ‘feel good’.

What we tell ourselves is only half the story; it's only when the listener within agrees, that the story gets completed.