The story we tell ourselves
I’ve been feeling good for the past three days, which seems unusual.
'Unusual' because there is nothing in particular that has 'happened'. But a general feeling of peace and calm seems to have come over.
I have been doing things that I had planned to; getting chores off of my to-do list, making short-term plans. Spending time with myself. Reading. And generally having a laugh.
Most importantly, I’m not beating myself up—a habit that I always fall back to; to feel in control, to feel OK or ‘normal’.
Even though I consider myself to be fairly happy, I don’t always feel contented. I often grapple with feelings of inadequacy. I’m ambitious as a person and have to force myself to be grateful for everything I have.
But every once in a while there is a period—like I am having now—where nothing seems to matter. I care about nothing. I care about no one. I don't care about anybody’s opinion, especially not my inner critic’s. And I feel like I’m ‘crushing it’, although nothing seems to have changed on the outside. I feel all the good things that 'nothing-ness' can bring.
When I catch myself in this situations, I often have a brief moment with me—“Dude, you’re feeling really good. Whats up?”
I become intentional and observe myself in my spirit—'what am I feeling right now?' So I can remind myself of this moment when caution and self-doubt strike again, and I know they will. (Not that they are always bad.)
The truth is no one can give us a pep-talk like we can to ourselves. The mind's chatter is constant and almost feels involuntary.
Every time the speaker and the listener within us are in agreement, I think we ‘feel good’.
What we tell ourselves is only half the story; it's only when the listener within agrees, that the story gets completed.